Well most of you who live near me know that I seem to be becoming the new Pillsbury spokes person. This is allotted to stress eating, fatigue and general ignoring of myself.
Thankfully I have a great backyard to use for my new EXERCISE regime. It it full of waist high weeds and is rather large in size. My new workout will be raking, pulling, swearing, and just getting good and sweaty. I may lose most of my weight in snot as I breathe in all the dust from these precious weeds. So be it. I'm going to be happy with the end result in my backyard being ready for grass seed, and in me for getting the job done and getting some exercise.
Preston has been a joy to work with and likes to sit on his tractor or work along side me.
Last week I worked on a Saturday and both girls joined me out side. It was not relaxing as usual. They had lots to say, and they bickered, and complained. I could feel myself getting ready to explode and banish them back to the house. I took a deep breath and thought "this is important" and just tried to ignore them the rest of the time. Does this make me a bad mom? To some. But to me, tolerating them and spending time with them working is important. And even though it was less enjoyable to me, they seemed to gain from the experience.
Even though Maddy refused to be happy with whatever tool she was given (even though each one were the ones she begged whined and cried for) and Haven was getting tired of her noise and having to give up her tools to pacify the little crazy. Preston just continued to sit on his tractor and play with his sand toys.
Haven also was impressed and a little envious that I could DRIP sweat! Cool. Somethign else I am good at. I told her when she hit puberty she'd sweat more and she is looking forward to being able to drip sweat too. Funny kid.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
so I labeled the last entry incorrectly, who cares...
A turn for the better. After conversing with my Dad, I have a new hope for myself. He pointed out that I tend to sieze upon things and focus so hard that I create the problems that I am having. HOw is that for imperfection?!? At it's best I say! The constant setting myslef up for failure and unhappines.
Want to know a secret? You choose your mood, you choose how you feel. In many ways. It's how you view life and how you treat yourself and you body. If you eat like crap, you will feel like crap. If you don't go outside, you'll get down. If you focus on all the negative, you will feel that you cannot breathe and be seriously unhappy. I know I have a strong family history in depression, but medication can only do so much. Don't get me wrong, I am all for it, but I would love to not depend on it to feel happy or simply, not sad. Lowering or rather redefining your level of perfection also makes a HUGE difference when you can make it realistic. And most importantly being honest with yourself. I am not a huge fan of ALL the work that comes with having 4 kids. If I could skip all their fighting and whining I would. If I could have a maid, I would, if I could hire a professional organizer I would. These are things I truly do not enjoy and could do without. DOes this make me a bad Mom? Perhaps to some, but so be it, I am who I am. And that's all that I am...lol popeye
So this past week I've tried to count my blessing, be grateful for what I have for I truly have a lot! I have a successful Temple marriage, (hasn't always been so successful, so don't think this is a "brag". My NEW definition of successful is that we are not divorced and tolerate each other well - so we are pretty darn successful!) Wow I suddenly feel like I am good at something!
I have four Healthy, Intelligent, Beautiful, funny, adorable, sweet, strong, independent, hilarious CHILDREN! I hit the jack pot. Do they fight? constantly. Do I yell at them? yes I do. Would I like to give them away for weeks at a time? yes I would. Do they make me scream and run and hide? sometimes. But they are all alive, fed, clothed, and taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And in that, I am successful.
See how awesome I can be when I lower my standards of perfection! It's amazing! LOL
So as I revamp my brain and focus on the good, focus on what I am grateful for, Pray mightilty for a sweet change of heart so that I can cherish these young years,
Want to know a secret? You choose your mood, you choose how you feel. In many ways. It's how you view life and how you treat yourself and you body. If you eat like crap, you will feel like crap. If you don't go outside, you'll get down. If you focus on all the negative, you will feel that you cannot breathe and be seriously unhappy. I know I have a strong family history in depression, but medication can only do so much. Don't get me wrong, I am all for it, but I would love to not depend on it to feel happy or simply, not sad. Lowering or rather redefining your level of perfection also makes a HUGE difference when you can make it realistic. And most importantly being honest with yourself. I am not a huge fan of ALL the work that comes with having 4 kids. If I could skip all their fighting and whining I would. If I could have a maid, I would, if I could hire a professional organizer I would. These are things I truly do not enjoy and could do without. DOes this make me a bad Mom? Perhaps to some, but so be it, I am who I am. And that's all that I am...lol popeye
So this past week I've tried to count my blessing, be grateful for what I have for I truly have a lot! I have a successful Temple marriage, (hasn't always been so successful, so don't think this is a "brag". My NEW definition of successful is that we are not divorced and tolerate each other well - so we are pretty darn successful!) Wow I suddenly feel like I am good at something!
I have four Healthy, Intelligent, Beautiful, funny, adorable, sweet, strong, independent, hilarious CHILDREN! I hit the jack pot. Do they fight? constantly. Do I yell at them? yes I do. Would I like to give them away for weeks at a time? yes I would. Do they make me scream and run and hide? sometimes. But they are all alive, fed, clothed, and taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And in that, I am successful.
See how awesome I can be when I lower my standards of perfection! It's amazing! LOL
So as I revamp my brain and focus on the good, focus on what I am grateful for, Pray mightilty for a sweet change of heart so that I can cherish these young years,
turn for the better
So I've been going a little crazy lately, thinking that I would love to go back to school to become a chiropractor. What am I thinking right? A friend answered that when she seriously LOL in front of me when I mentioned it. I was a little taken back, all things are possible right?
Zack was very supportive and didn't laugh once when I talked about it, he even encouraged me to do it if I felt it was the right thing. With him backing me I needed to really think, this could actually be possible. =)
So next I went to the wisest person I know, who won't sugar coat, won't laugh at me, and will give me sound advice. My Dad. After a very good long conversation with him face to face, after a few tears, and the honest to goodness truth of it all, I have a better idea of what I want to do. To make sure I make the decision for the right reasons. Not for Money, not to get away from the house, not to have a break from the kids. But for me, and if I felt it was right and to truly help people.
Now I know that some of those wrong reasons definately play a role, we are a one income family and I love to shop and we are actually living fairly frugal when I look at it, but we also need to find money for saving for missions, colleges, and weddings, emergencies, new cars that don't break down all the time, a landscaped backyard, money for kids to do activities they are dying to do like football, horseback riding, dance, cheerleading, Starmites, music lessons and the list just never stops.
I also know that I would enjoy the challenge, getting out of the house a plus for my mental health. And feeling good at something that helps others would be cool.
My initial reasons I feel are right, I want to help like My chiropractor helps me and my family. I want to be able to adjust my kids, my parents, Zack, and all my family so they can feel good and live better. Especially when they have an accident like riding full on into a sign pole on their bike and stopping with their chin like Maddy did last night. :/
I want to learn, I want to learn about our bodies, they are amazing creations.
When it comes down to it. I know I want it for the right reasons, however, as I look at my children, I know that now is not the right time. I do feel sad about this. But who knows, the time may be right sooner than I think, OR I will be blessed to keep our great Chiropractor now and find my path in another area.
I trust the Spirit and I will strive to live in harmony with it so that
Zack was very supportive and didn't laugh once when I talked about it, he even encouraged me to do it if I felt it was the right thing. With him backing me I needed to really think, this could actually be possible. =)
So next I went to the wisest person I know, who won't sugar coat, won't laugh at me, and will give me sound advice. My Dad. After a very good long conversation with him face to face, after a few tears, and the honest to goodness truth of it all, I have a better idea of what I want to do. To make sure I make the decision for the right reasons. Not for Money, not to get away from the house, not to have a break from the kids. But for me, and if I felt it was right and to truly help people.
Now I know that some of those wrong reasons definately play a role, we are a one income family and I love to shop and we are actually living fairly frugal when I look at it, but we also need to find money for saving for missions, colleges, and weddings, emergencies, new cars that don't break down all the time, a landscaped backyard, money for kids to do activities they are dying to do like football, horseback riding, dance, cheerleading, Starmites, music lessons and the list just never stops.
I also know that I would enjoy the challenge, getting out of the house a plus for my mental health. And feeling good at something that helps others would be cool.
My initial reasons I feel are right, I want to help like My chiropractor helps me and my family. I want to be able to adjust my kids, my parents, Zack, and all my family so they can feel good and live better. Especially when they have an accident like riding full on into a sign pole on their bike and stopping with their chin like Maddy did last night. :/
I want to learn, I want to learn about our bodies, they are amazing creations.
When it comes down to it. I know I want it for the right reasons, however, as I look at my children, I know that now is not the right time. I do feel sad about this. But who knows, the time may be right sooner than I think, OR I will be blessed to keep our great Chiropractor now and find my path in another area.
I trust the Spirit and I will strive to live in harmony with it so that
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Chiropractor
Wow, I took a little break didn't I? =) Let me tell you the most wonderful news in the world right now! I went to a Chiropractor!!!!!!! Ever think that they were only for those who could afford to be pampered like a massage? Well that is what I thought, UNTIL a friend mentioned that a chiropractor could help open my ear back up. As I was still having pain and no drainage no matter how much decongestant I was taking.
It is now my professional opinion that EVERYONE go to a Chiropractor on a regular basis. These are the Dr.'s that actually improve life without writing a prescription! SUBLUXATION, look it up. Our Spinal chord and nervous system is connected to our spine. What happens when your spine gets out of alignment? Your spinal chord and nervouse system are altered and not for the better. Your brain can't send signals to your body, so you end up with altered health and pain or just plain think that this is how life is supposed to be.
I have been seriously struggling for the past two years and possibly more, but I have really noticed since I gave birth to Preston that I wasn't feeling right. I've been severely depressed, have had anxiety attacks, anger issues, back pain, and EXHAUSTION! After going to the Chiropractor and getting x-rays, etc. I could SEE the issues in my spine and the locations with the trouble effects my sight, thyroid, emotions, ears nose throat, stomach, balance, and my nervous system was always "on" high alert meaning I was always exhausted. I know there was more but that is what I can remember at this point. It was cool to have him tell me the areas where my spine wasn't happy and be like "yep, yep, yep, yep" almost like a palm reader. (I've never been to a palm reader, but he was reading my spine and it was right on with my symptoms).
So I finally decided to go and pay the money for the first appointment to see if he could fix my ear, after the first adjustment I was in AWE as to how relaxed I felt. He popped, snapped and cracked me, with Zack as my witness (I think the doc might have been showing off....lol) But that evening surrounded by kids at a baseball game with all the noise, etc. I was completely relaxed. I have not been relaxed in a LONG TIME. It was SO amazing to me, I looked down at my hands and noticed that they were not clinched or in fists and that I actually enjoyed an evening with the family and felt amazing! JUST AFTER ONE ADJUSTMENT.
He showed me the plan he put in order for me and come hell or high water I am going to make sure I can afford it and get back to health so I can enjoy life again. I have been able to lower my mood medication, I've been able to have energy and have a feeling of ease which I'd envied in so many. No amount of diet or exercise, or pills could give me what I have now without side effects and chemicals. I'm so thankful I was so desperate to try ANYTHING and my prayers have been answered. After my second adjustment where he released jaw muscles, and cricked my neck really good, my ear opened up, I couldn't believe that either, it took 10 hours, but it worked!
So anyway, I thought I would share, I just can't believe the good results I have and how common sense it all is, and that I've misunderstood it all for so long! My kids are all going next. I'd like to make Zack go, but he isn't a believer at least for himself. I know he is a believer for me because after my first week of adjustments I suddenly had energy to clean the house, he came down stairs, looked around and told me I should get adjusted more often. I agree. I'm so grateful and so happy! I just want to shout it out from the rooftops!!!!!! But I suppose my blog and fb
It is now my professional opinion that EVERYONE go to a Chiropractor on a regular basis. These are the Dr.'s that actually improve life without writing a prescription! SUBLUXATION, look it up. Our Spinal chord and nervous system is connected to our spine. What happens when your spine gets out of alignment? Your spinal chord and nervouse system are altered and not for the better. Your brain can't send signals to your body, so you end up with altered health and pain or just plain think that this is how life is supposed to be.
I have been seriously struggling for the past two years and possibly more, but I have really noticed since I gave birth to Preston that I wasn't feeling right. I've been severely depressed, have had anxiety attacks, anger issues, back pain, and EXHAUSTION! After going to the Chiropractor and getting x-rays, etc. I could SEE the issues in my spine and the locations with the trouble effects my sight, thyroid, emotions, ears nose throat, stomach, balance, and my nervous system was always "on" high alert meaning I was always exhausted. I know there was more but that is what I can remember at this point. It was cool to have him tell me the areas where my spine wasn't happy and be like "yep, yep, yep, yep" almost like a palm reader. (I've never been to a palm reader, but he was reading my spine and it was right on with my symptoms).
So I finally decided to go and pay the money for the first appointment to see if he could fix my ear, after the first adjustment I was in AWE as to how relaxed I felt. He popped, snapped and cracked me, with Zack as my witness (I think the doc might have been showing off....lol) But that evening surrounded by kids at a baseball game with all the noise, etc. I was completely relaxed. I have not been relaxed in a LONG TIME. It was SO amazing to me, I looked down at my hands and noticed that they were not clinched or in fists and that I actually enjoyed an evening with the family and felt amazing! JUST AFTER ONE ADJUSTMENT.
He showed me the plan he put in order for me and come hell or high water I am going to make sure I can afford it and get back to health so I can enjoy life again. I have been able to lower my mood medication, I've been able to have energy and have a feeling of ease which I'd envied in so many. No amount of diet or exercise, or pills could give me what I have now without side effects and chemicals. I'm so thankful I was so desperate to try ANYTHING and my prayers have been answered. After my second adjustment where he released jaw muscles, and cricked my neck really good, my ear opened up, I couldn't believe that either, it took 10 hours, but it worked!
So anyway, I thought I would share, I just can't believe the good results I have and how common sense it all is, and that I've misunderstood it all for so long! My kids are all going next. I'd like to make Zack go, but he isn't a believer at least for himself. I know he is a believer for me because after my first week of adjustments I suddenly had energy to clean the house, he came down stairs, looked around and told me I should get adjusted more often. I agree. I'm so grateful and so happy! I just want to shout it out from the rooftops!!!!!! But I suppose my blog and fb
Sunday, August 7, 2011
A Feast
Today I attended church with Mom and Dad. It was so wonderful as I hadn't been in 3 weeks, and was SO ready to go back. The meetings were all wonderful, I truly do love and enjoy fast and testimony meetings. I always feel the Spirit. Dad taught Sunday School about how the church policy's change with the needs of a growing church. It was really interesting to learn about. How there are limits so that there is time to find and create leaders to delegate and make sure the work is done in order. He gave an example about Elder Zitattee (first member of the 70 out of Africa) his family and friends were so offended when he chose to join the church since they Priesthood had not been given to Black men at the time. His view on this was that it was what needed in the Lord's time. Right now the gospel is spreading like wildfire in Africa, and to keep up with this in an orderly fashion missionaries are only allowed to tract within 30 min walking time of their apt. Soon it will be different as things are established and in Order and in the Lord's time. I thought it was very interesting and enjoyable to learn about.
Relief Society was also fabulous. Darla Stanger taught a lesson on Blessings of Obedience and also had Sandra Koelzer share about how being obedient had blessed her for 5 years while her family was out of work. They chose to be as obedient as possible as it was promised in the scriptures that the obedient would be blessed and taken care of. It was wonderful, she pointed out 7 areas that truly blessed her family. In random order...
1-to ask for what was needed in prayer, and then to meditate
2-Tithing, usually came back 100 fold in Spiritual blessings, instead of saying that lucky, or coincidence, noticed that it was blessings.
3-Word of Wisdom, health (they were without health insurance and only needed medical for one broken hand during the 5 years)
One note I LOVED that she mentioned about this, was D&C 89:124, a way to cease fatigue was not only to go to bed early and rise early, but to also CEASE TO FIND FAULT. Isn't that interesting?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
4-Having Gratitude
5-Service
6-Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy As she mentioned this I started listing all the things I would need to change for this (keep everyone in church clothes all day, no tv, journal writing, etc etc etc. It was my favorite that she said, to her, to keep the Sabbath Day holy she chose NOT to do laundry on Sunday. Now I CAN DO THAT!!!
7-Honer they Father and Mother that they days may be long in the Land I found this interesting, but when you do these things, there is greater love.
She ended with saying "Thank Him, Praise Him, & Do what He Says" which I totally plan on cutting into vinyl and adhering it to my wall.
Another comment was "Luck favors the Prepared" when we prepare, we are more able to deal with any circumstances. Sandra had food storage, they had retirement AND savings. So they were able to keep their home and avoid bankruptcy. So this saying makes great sense.
So by BEING OBEDIENT we will find ourselves greatly blessed and I know that we all feel that we could use some help in our lives, the key is to be obedient to the Father and align our will with His, and we'll be much better for it.
It was a GREAT LESSON!
Quick last note, Darla shared a story of Tami's kids. Adam and Sarah both prayed for a sibling, Adam prayed for a brother, and Sarah Prayed for a sister. They received a call that a little girl needed a family. They picked her up. Sarah was so thankful that her prayers had been answered she shared that with her family. Adam was silent, and in the evening Tami was able to talk with him about what was bothering him. He asked her why God hadn't answered his prayers. Tami is so wise and so in tune with the Spirit, She responded that Heavenly Father knew that this little girl needed a family and need to have a great big brother to help take care of her so He sent her to them. She explained that they can ask for what they want, but that Heavenly Father can choose how to answer our prayers, and that He will do what is best. It was really sweet and better said than my paraphrasing. But this will help me remember a great lesson.
Thank you for a very informative and uplifting day!
Relief Society was also fabulous. Darla Stanger taught a lesson on Blessings of Obedience and also had Sandra Koelzer share about how being obedient had blessed her for 5 years while her family was out of work. They chose to be as obedient as possible as it was promised in the scriptures that the obedient would be blessed and taken care of. It was wonderful, she pointed out 7 areas that truly blessed her family. In random order...
1-to ask for what was needed in prayer, and then to meditate
2-Tithing, usually came back 100 fold in Spiritual blessings, instead of saying that lucky, or coincidence, noticed that it was blessings.
3-Word of Wisdom, health (they were without health insurance and only needed medical for one broken hand during the 5 years)
One note I LOVED that she mentioned about this, was D&C 89:124, a way to cease fatigue was not only to go to bed early and rise early, but to also CEASE TO FIND FAULT. Isn't that interesting?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
4-Having Gratitude
5-Service
6-Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy As she mentioned this I started listing all the things I would need to change for this (keep everyone in church clothes all day, no tv, journal writing, etc etc etc. It was my favorite that she said, to her, to keep the Sabbath Day holy she chose NOT to do laundry on Sunday. Now I CAN DO THAT!!!
7-Honer they Father and Mother that they days may be long in the Land I found this interesting, but when you do these things, there is greater love.
She ended with saying "Thank Him, Praise Him, & Do what He Says" which I totally plan on cutting into vinyl and adhering it to my wall.
Another comment was "Luck favors the Prepared" when we prepare, we are more able to deal with any circumstances. Sandra had food storage, they had retirement AND savings. So they were able to keep their home and avoid bankruptcy. So this saying makes great sense.
So by BEING OBEDIENT we will find ourselves greatly blessed and I know that we all feel that we could use some help in our lives, the key is to be obedient to the Father and align our will with His, and we'll be much better for it.
It was a GREAT LESSON!
Quick last note, Darla shared a story of Tami's kids. Adam and Sarah both prayed for a sibling, Adam prayed for a brother, and Sarah Prayed for a sister. They received a call that a little girl needed a family. They picked her up. Sarah was so thankful that her prayers had been answered she shared that with her family. Adam was silent, and in the evening Tami was able to talk with him about what was bothering him. He asked her why God hadn't answered his prayers. Tami is so wise and so in tune with the Spirit, She responded that Heavenly Father knew that this little girl needed a family and need to have a great big brother to help take care of her so He sent her to them. She explained that they can ask for what they want, but that Heavenly Father can choose how to answer our prayers, and that He will do what is best. It was really sweet and better said than my paraphrasing. But this will help me remember a great lesson.
Thank you for a very informative and uplifting day!
Back from the Grave
Hello, all 1 of you. =) I'm back from a very bad bacterial infection in my ears and throat. It was so nasty, my ears starting filling up with fluid, and 5 hours later I had one burst ear drum and the other I was wishing would burst. A sore throat that would not be soothed. And just worn out completely, I don't think I have ever been so sick before, even with after having babies, it was all I could do to have faith that I would get better and not feel pain at some point.
Now I am on my second round of antibiotics, the first didn't work well enough. Even now I fasted today, and took one of my doses later than usual, and my throat is sore on one side again. I've since taken all my doses for today and HOPE that it will not return with a vengeance, but get snuffed out by the end of my antibiotics.
A few things happened during this illness that I would like to document so that I can remember what I learned and hopefully not have a repeat. =)
1) I have medical insurance for a reason, when I wait to long it ends up costing more in appointments, medications, and in fast food. I was down for two weeks, one of which I didn't hardly get out of bed, and Zack was a superstar and took care of everything, which meant it was quite expensive to go out to eat with all the kids 5 days in a row. So, next time I hope I will not wait, even if it turns out to be nothing, $20 is better that $215 + whatever was spent on fast food, I don't want to add that up.
2) I was so sick that I asked for help. I contacted my Relief Society Pres. who is not responsible over the compassionate service. In my defence, ours moved out and I didn't know we had a new one. But still, there are proper channels for a reason. Anyhow, Our ward has been FULL of needs, we had a stroke occur, a sister going into her 3rd hip replacement surgery, a sister going through chemotherapy, a sister with undiagnosed constant pain, and the list goes on and on, so it really takes a lot for me to feel justified in asking for help. So I didn't get a meal the night I had asked for, the next day. I felt awful. And wallowed in my self pity for a moment. The next day my RS President showed up with a 3 course meal that lasted for 3-4 meals!, my dear VT came the next day with lunch. I was so grateful. My Mom also ordered food through amazon and had it sent to my door. The Lord always provides, I need to remember that.
3) Don't wait to ask for a blessing. I got a blessing of comfort near the beginning, but what I really needed was a blessing of healing, and finally was able to get it thanks to a willing brother who came over to assist Zack in this wonderful Priesthood ordinance. My Faith was greatly restored that I would be ok, it still took another 5 days to start feeling well, I was able to think back on the blessing every time I started to despair and was comforted.
4) After the first week I decided to stop complaining and start seeing what I needed to learn from this. This might be considered being compelled to be humble? Then I worried that maybe it was so Zack could learn something and worried that it might take more time.... =) What I did learn, the world continues without me. I have this illusion that I'm so important that I have to fulfill everything on my list to make sure the world turns. This isn't the case, deep down I know it, but I think it is pride that provides the guilt of not feeling like I'm doing enough each day. I learned that when I asked Zack responded beautifully and ended up stay ing home from work for a number of days and even came home mid-day, when I asked him to. He made sure the kids ate and were taken care of and I literally slept the whole time.
5) Frozen packs of expired hot dogs are a God send.
6) Garlic does in fact help ease ear pain, and I smell delightful until my next shower.
7) I need to slow down. I need to stop doing unimportant things and get the basics down then enjoy life. I stress and stress and stress and stress and stress, and all it does is make me an ineffective person and I waste a great deal of time worrying over things I cannot control. I need to knock that off.
8) I believe I learned a great deal of empathy, if anyone is so sick they ask for a meal, I will be ready to serve. I'm so grateful for those who provided meals. They were much better than anything i would be able to provide, but at the point I was at I would have kissed their feet for already made ramen noodles and green beans. =)
9) My husband loves me. I know many may think this is a given, but with four young children, job, limited income it is hard to have the time and patience to sit down with each other and connect. Having him drag me into the dr., making me stay in bed, and taking over all the household made me feel so incredibly loved and appreciated! If he was supposed to learn something I hope he learned a little empathy for me and what I do day in and day out. It is no easy feat. I always thought it should be easy, that mothering came naturally, that I'd never yell at my children, that I would be a whiz in the kitchen, and a happy homemaker. I'm not any of those things, but I am finding out that that is ok. It IS hard. But I also know that it IS worth it.
10) My Heavenly Father Loves me. I know this, and as I look at things that happen to me everyday I am reminded of this. I know he loves me, he heard me constantly complaining of pain and just listened. =) I am also so GRATEFUL for Christ and for His suffering in Gethsemane. I cannot imagine the extent of all pain or all sin, but what I felt, I would've given my pinky finger for someone else would have taken it away. I'm so grateful that he chose to go through with God's plan and atone for us and to suffer, so that he might know how to succor His people.
I'm glad that all of these things were brought to my attention, and that I was able to think on these things while I was sick. I am SO grateful that I am feeling better, and hope to be 100% by the time school and all that work begins.
Thank you also for all the prayers said in my behalf! I'm so grateful to be on the mend!!!
Now I am on my second round of antibiotics, the first didn't work well enough. Even now I fasted today, and took one of my doses later than usual, and my throat is sore on one side again. I've since taken all my doses for today and HOPE that it will not return with a vengeance, but get snuffed out by the end of my antibiotics.
A few things happened during this illness that I would like to document so that I can remember what I learned and hopefully not have a repeat. =)
1) I have medical insurance for a reason, when I wait to long it ends up costing more in appointments, medications, and in fast food. I was down for two weeks, one of which I didn't hardly get out of bed, and Zack was a superstar and took care of everything, which meant it was quite expensive to go out to eat with all the kids 5 days in a row. So, next time I hope I will not wait, even if it turns out to be nothing, $20 is better that $215 + whatever was spent on fast food, I don't want to add that up.
2) I was so sick that I asked for help. I contacted my Relief Society Pres. who is not responsible over the compassionate service. In my defence, ours moved out and I didn't know we had a new one. But still, there are proper channels for a reason. Anyhow, Our ward has been FULL of needs, we had a stroke occur, a sister going into her 3rd hip replacement surgery, a sister going through chemotherapy, a sister with undiagnosed constant pain, and the list goes on and on, so it really takes a lot for me to feel justified in asking for help. So I didn't get a meal the night I had asked for, the next day. I felt awful. And wallowed in my self pity for a moment. The next day my RS President showed up with a 3 course meal that lasted for 3-4 meals!, my dear VT came the next day with lunch. I was so grateful. My Mom also ordered food through amazon and had it sent to my door. The Lord always provides, I need to remember that.
3) Don't wait to ask for a blessing. I got a blessing of comfort near the beginning, but what I really needed was a blessing of healing, and finally was able to get it thanks to a willing brother who came over to assist Zack in this wonderful Priesthood ordinance. My Faith was greatly restored that I would be ok, it still took another 5 days to start feeling well, I was able to think back on the blessing every time I started to despair and was comforted.
4) After the first week I decided to stop complaining and start seeing what I needed to learn from this. This might be considered being compelled to be humble? Then I worried that maybe it was so Zack could learn something and worried that it might take more time.... =) What I did learn, the world continues without me. I have this illusion that I'm so important that I have to fulfill everything on my list to make sure the world turns. This isn't the case, deep down I know it, but I think it is pride that provides the guilt of not feeling like I'm doing enough each day. I learned that when I asked Zack responded beautifully and ended up stay ing home from work for a number of days and even came home mid-day, when I asked him to. He made sure the kids ate and were taken care of and I literally slept the whole time.
5) Frozen packs of expired hot dogs are a God send.
6) Garlic does in fact help ease ear pain, and I smell delightful until my next shower.
7) I need to slow down. I need to stop doing unimportant things and get the basics down then enjoy life. I stress and stress and stress and stress and stress, and all it does is make me an ineffective person and I waste a great deal of time worrying over things I cannot control. I need to knock that off.
8) I believe I learned a great deal of empathy, if anyone is so sick they ask for a meal, I will be ready to serve. I'm so grateful for those who provided meals. They were much better than anything i would be able to provide, but at the point I was at I would have kissed their feet for already made ramen noodles and green beans. =)
9) My husband loves me. I know many may think this is a given, but with four young children, job, limited income it is hard to have the time and patience to sit down with each other and connect. Having him drag me into the dr., making me stay in bed, and taking over all the household made me feel so incredibly loved and appreciated! If he was supposed to learn something I hope he learned a little empathy for me and what I do day in and day out. It is no easy feat. I always thought it should be easy, that mothering came naturally, that I'd never yell at my children, that I would be a whiz in the kitchen, and a happy homemaker. I'm not any of those things, but I am finding out that that is ok. It IS hard. But I also know that it IS worth it.
10) My Heavenly Father Loves me. I know this, and as I look at things that happen to me everyday I am reminded of this. I know he loves me, he heard me constantly complaining of pain and just listened. =) I am also so GRATEFUL for Christ and for His suffering in Gethsemane. I cannot imagine the extent of all pain or all sin, but what I felt, I would've given my pinky finger for someone else would have taken it away. I'm so grateful that he chose to go through with God's plan and atone for us and to suffer, so that he might know how to succor His people.
I'm glad that all of these things were brought to my attention, and that I was able to think on these things while I was sick. I am SO grateful that I am feeling better, and hope to be 100% by the time school and all that work begins.
Thank you also for all the prayers said in my behalf! I'm so grateful to be on the mend!!!
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