Irreplaceable? I think not..

So when it comes to church I like to go EVERY week. There are reasons behind this. (1) the less you go, the less you feel you need to go (2) social interactions (3)magnify my calling (4) Because I know it is the right thing to do (5) to be a good example to my children (6) to keep my testimony strong, especially when it isn't at it's strongest. (7) I was taught to. Not necessarily in that order but they are all my reasons.

Last night Preston woke up with a high fever, and just miserable. So we got him his medicine and put him to bed with us. This morning he seemed better, but then started getting whiney and hot. I had already called "dibs" on staying home with him so here I sit writing my thoughts out.

I think it fair for all of you to know that I have gone to counseling, you know when you just can't pull yourself out of a rut? Well I got help, and I hope that if you find yourself struggling with life, that you too find the help that you need. Now that I've said that. Before counseling, I would have stayed home feeling so guilty and wondering how I would be punished for not going to church. I would worry about who would be able to fill my shoes, and all the people I would let down by not being there. Not so rational thoughts....

This morning I began that same pattern, "maybe he isn't really sick", "maybe we should just go to Sacrament and come home", "what will they do without me" and "what will I be punished for if I stay home." Then I thought about what I would put on my blog and an experience came to my mind.

Back in May my fabulous Parents paid for all my my siblings and their spouses as well as Zack and I to go to Hawaii for a week. All we had to figure out was food and a car. So we all went to have a wonderful time! We left on Saturday, so we would be there over a Sunday. So we all went to church on Sunday and this woman gave a talk, she was trying so hard to make a point and tell a good story that unfortunately it was mostly lost and just annoying to have to hear the repetition. Her story went something like this (and I bet I can write the 40 minute talk she gave in one paragraph). I may have it a little mixed up as I sorta tuned out...

She was a airline sterwardess, she made it so she usually wouldn't have to work Sundays, but this job came up that she needed to take and it would have her working Sat. but she would be back for Sunday. The airline strike went down and all the planes were grounded. She was away from home, stuck, worried that she wouldn't make it back till Sunday. She was so worried that she wouldn't be there to teach her lesson on Sunday. Then she thought of the mothers, the babies and the handicapped (in that order) and how they were all suffering from this strike as well. >eye roll< (I think I still need to repent about this) And asked that the Lord would bless all of them. She ended up making it home (I think) in time to teach her lesson and her prayers were answered.

So she felt a great deal of stress over not being able to attend church to teach her lesson. I shouldn't have rolled my eyes, because this is exactly how I feel, BUT when I hear someone else's reasoning this way I think "whatever, I'm sure someone could step in and teach the lesson one Sunday". And the world will keep on Turning. So this brings me to my own thoughts about myself. The world will keep turning if I am not there. The Spirit will still be there, if I am not there. And I don't believe God punishes every action or choice, because if he did everyone would be at church on Sunday. =) So as I'm trying to "fix" my rationale it makes sense to me that it is ok to stay home, especially with a sick child. One who needs my attention. And as a Mother, I know I would want others to keep their kids home from church if they were sick.

So My point after all that blabbing, is that I have been successful today in not feeling the guilt that seems to follow me. And that someone can, in fact, fill in for me. It is incredibly refreshing to sit in a quiet house with my little guy and just feel God's love for me as I think on these things. I'm where I am supposed to be today. Are you? =) You dont have to answer that I just like being a little sassy.