Ok I've been pretty darn sick the last two days with a monster of a cold that is killin' me slowly. So for today I read this on a fb post, and found it absolutely profound and something I have been working on.
"when you have certain expectations of someone, it tends to decrease the amount of appreciation expressed... my new goal will not be to exceed someone else's expectations, but show more appreciation to people who may not meet mine."
Thank you Elaine! Back to be for me....
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Stolen Post
Ok I stole this from a friend leaving for a mission this week, she hit one of my lessons I'm learning and it totally makes sense! Thank you Sweeney!
Friday, July 22, 2011You Can Get with This, or You Can Get with That...
Ok, so I was just presented with the knowledge that I may or may not even get to be in charge of my own blog while I'm Livin' the D.R. Loca. Great. I think my mom and aunt will be taking pieces of my letters and forming them into future blog posts. Double great. They don't have a technological clue to split between them (love you guys!) But asi es la vida; you have to deal the best you can with what you have. Which brings me to what I actually want to blog about.
The other day, I was shopping in the jolly world of Wally Mart, searching for the last minute mission items I needed. After squeezing through the usual throng of thousands that always seem to populate that particular store, I finally made it to the camping area where I would pick out the flashlight that will light my way for the next 1.5 years (ooh, your token spiritual metaphor). I was thrilled that most of the flashlights were under 6 bucks and there were a surprising amount of cheap options. But for some reason, the decision was not as easy as it should have been. I was faced with two options that put me in a quandary: for the same price ($5.97), I could get the blue flashlight that takes Double A batteries and has the soft grip handle (made from the same stuff as those computer wrist supports) with 20 hour battery life
You can't tell from this pic, but the handle is sooooo squishy!
or I could get the silver one with 40 hours of shine that uses triple A batteries. For some reason, I truly hate these kind of batteries.
So I reached (somewhat dejectedly) for the ugly, hard-handled light device, grabbed it off the rack, and turned to throw it into the cart full of other exciting items (razors, deodorant, hairspray) when I was stopped by a thought. There was no monkey on my back making my life choices for me. And then I remembered the song from one of my all-time favorite commercials. You know, the one with the rapping hamsters trying to convince you to buy a 2010 Kia Soul by suggesting that you can either get with this (the aforementioned Kia) or you can get with that (a toaster, a cardboard box, a washing machine). Pretty much, you realize that you'd have to be an absolute tool if you would rather drive a toaster than a Kia. I kind of have to agree.
And in my case, I could also either get with this (blue soft flashlight) or that (silver, many-hour flashlight) and I realized, (gasp) it didn't really matter! I should just get what I want and what will make me happier. So I'll have to take along a few extra batteries. We have a ton of Double A's in our house anyways (suck it Triple A's). It made me realize that I tend to fall into this pattern of behavior a lot; instead of going after what I want, I go after what I think I should want. And I came to the brilliant conclusion that I, and probably anyone else who does this, should stop. I mean, at the end of our lives, do we really want to look back at a bunch of ugly watches and flashlights? (Oooh, another metaphor, I'm killin' it today)! But seriously, people are always talking about living life with no regrets. And even though a flashlight isn't something that will really shake up my future very much, the attitude which prompts its purchase will. We need to figure out what it is we really want from life, and then be brave enough to pursue it, even if a group of rapping hamsters surrounds us and tries to persuade us otherwise. Maybe especially then.
Well, that's it for now. I'm about to go off and seize the day(s) for the next year and a half. I hope you all can do the same. Oh, and here is a link to that most delightful commercial. Because you deserve it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOHwjjhFTac
Friday, July 22, 2011You Can Get with This, or You Can Get with That...
Ok, so I was just presented with the knowledge that I may or may not even get to be in charge of my own blog while I'm Livin' the D.R. Loca. Great. I think my mom and aunt will be taking pieces of my letters and forming them into future blog posts. Double great. They don't have a technological clue to split between them (love you guys!) But asi es la vida; you have to deal the best you can with what you have. Which brings me to what I actually want to blog about.
The other day, I was shopping in the jolly world of Wally Mart, searching for the last minute mission items I needed. After squeezing through the usual throng of thousands that always seem to populate that particular store, I finally made it to the camping area where I would pick out the flashlight that will light my way for the next 1.5 years (ooh, your token spiritual metaphor). I was thrilled that most of the flashlights were under 6 bucks and there were a surprising amount of cheap options. But for some reason, the decision was not as easy as it should have been. I was faced with two options that put me in a quandary: for the same price ($5.97), I could get the blue flashlight that takes Double A batteries and has the soft grip handle (made from the same stuff as those computer wrist supports) with 20 hour battery life
You can't tell from this pic, but the handle is sooooo squishy!
or I could get the silver one with 40 hours of shine that uses triple A batteries. For some reason, I truly hate these kind of batteries.
So I reached (somewhat dejectedly) for the ugly, hard-handled light device, grabbed it off the rack, and turned to throw it into the cart full of other exciting items (razors, deodorant, hairspray) when I was stopped by a thought. There was no monkey on my back making my life choices for me. And then I remembered the song from one of my all-time favorite commercials. You know, the one with the rapping hamsters trying to convince you to buy a 2010 Kia Soul by suggesting that you can either get with this (the aforementioned Kia) or you can get with that (a toaster, a cardboard box, a washing machine). Pretty much, you realize that you'd have to be an absolute tool if you would rather drive a toaster than a Kia. I kind of have to agree.
And in my case, I could also either get with this (blue soft flashlight) or that (silver, many-hour flashlight) and I realized, (gasp) it didn't really matter! I should just get what I want and what will make me happier. So I'll have to take along a few extra batteries. We have a ton of Double A's in our house anyways (suck it Triple A's). It made me realize that I tend to fall into this pattern of behavior a lot; instead of going after what I want, I go after what I think I should want. And I came to the brilliant conclusion that I, and probably anyone else who does this, should stop. I mean, at the end of our lives, do we really want to look back at a bunch of ugly watches and flashlights? (Oooh, another metaphor, I'm killin' it today)! But seriously, people are always talking about living life with no regrets. And even though a flashlight isn't something that will really shake up my future very much, the attitude which prompts its purchase will. We need to figure out what it is we really want from life, and then be brave enough to pursue it, even if a group of rapping hamsters surrounds us and tries to persuade us otherwise. Maybe especially then.
Well, that's it for now. I'm about to go off and seize the day(s) for the next year and a half. I hope you all can do the same. Oh, and here is a link to that most delightful commercial. Because you deserve it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOHwjjhFTac
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Great day
Kids still recovering from fevers, no fevers, but I told them we were chilling today anyway. They played really well together and I was able to get more than a few of my cleaning/straightening goals done. Which always feels good, especially when it is something the kids can't reverse in 10 seconds or less.
Morning routine is saving my life. Instead of trying to stay in bed and squeeze every last minute I can in bed, I get up, make it, brush my teeth, swipe my bathroom with a clorox wipe, shower, and dress to shoes. My bathroom is clean and I'm ready to go. It makes such a huge difference, I don't know how or why, but I am more able to function and the kids seem to know that the day has begun. So I'm loving that.
I also volunteered to help a friend with a roadshow (1 skit out of 6, so not too huge). I know, I know, I'm supposed to be taking things off my plate to get to a healthier me, however, I have ALWAYS wanted to help in one of these, I've been in a few as a youth and had the most fun! I'm really excited to be a helper, that way I'm not 100% necessary to be there nor am I in charge which is always good.
So adding something you love is very healthy I am finding. I also added some yoga back in. I'm so sore and tired every day, I needed something to help me out, I'm not 80 afterall.....yet.... I can't tell I feel better and am smiling more, another plus!
Subtracting, I have ended an unhealthy relationship. And normally I would stew and stew over what happened and if I said the right things, and if this person thinks I mean, or that I was the problem. This time, I stewed for a day, picked myself up (thanks to very supportive sisters and friends) and have only glanced back occassionally hoping I did the right thing. We tell our kids all the time how important it is to pick good friends. I think as adults we tend to be more of a friend to all (may be a woman thing) but anyway, I feel the need to be nice to everyone and hope that being nice will bless me with their friendship. Naive and a little sad that this is not always the case. So movin' on! Lookin' for some more pleasant friends that I can communicate more easily with. And ENJOY!
It's good to feel successful! What did you get done today? Notice how waking up was an accomplishment for me! It's all about the little things! Make sure you are giving yourself credit!
Morning routine is saving my life. Instead of trying to stay in bed and squeeze every last minute I can in bed, I get up, make it, brush my teeth, swipe my bathroom with a clorox wipe, shower, and dress to shoes. My bathroom is clean and I'm ready to go. It makes such a huge difference, I don't know how or why, but I am more able to function and the kids seem to know that the day has begun. So I'm loving that.
I also volunteered to help a friend with a roadshow (1 skit out of 6, so not too huge). I know, I know, I'm supposed to be taking things off my plate to get to a healthier me, however, I have ALWAYS wanted to help in one of these, I've been in a few as a youth and had the most fun! I'm really excited to be a helper, that way I'm not 100% necessary to be there nor am I in charge which is always good.
So adding something you love is very healthy I am finding. I also added some yoga back in. I'm so sore and tired every day, I needed something to help me out, I'm not 80 afterall.....yet.... I can't tell I feel better and am smiling more, another plus!
Subtracting, I have ended an unhealthy relationship. And normally I would stew and stew over what happened and if I said the right things, and if this person thinks I mean, or that I was the problem. This time, I stewed for a day, picked myself up (thanks to very supportive sisters and friends) and have only glanced back occassionally hoping I did the right thing. We tell our kids all the time how important it is to pick good friends. I think as adults we tend to be more of a friend to all (may be a woman thing) but anyway, I feel the need to be nice to everyone and hope that being nice will bless me with their friendship. Naive and a little sad that this is not always the case. So movin' on! Lookin' for some more pleasant friends that I can communicate more easily with. And ENJOY!
It's good to feel successful! What did you get done today? Notice how waking up was an accomplishment for me! It's all about the little things! Make sure you are giving yourself credit!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Diagnosis
When you know you have a wonderful husband, great kids, temple marriage, a fabulous home, and everything you had dreamed about during your childhood years and you find that you are miserable, something must be wrong. Just sayin.
When I hold myself accountable to my ideals of what a good wife, mother, person is, I will never catch up and therefore will always be miserable.
Prescription, I will continually try to re-evaluate my ideals so that they are (1) realistic (2) doable (3) I can meet them ....sound redundant, well that's just because you have to be when you are trying to change something.
Yesterday was a success because Porter made it to scouts, and many other reasons, but this was my main focus.
Today is already a success, I rose out of bed to Maddy screaming her head off at Porter, instead of yelling at Porter I called him up got the story, then went to work on Maddy. No Nonsense, no screaming, Maddy got her morning chores done and Porter felt validated and I could shower in peace. Lets see what else might be good today!
On the negative side, both girls woke up with fevers, I knew Haven wasn't feeling well, now Maddy. Sounds like a redbox day to me!!!!
When I hold myself accountable to my ideals of what a good wife, mother, person is, I will never catch up and therefore will always be miserable.
Prescription, I will continually try to re-evaluate my ideals so that they are (1) realistic (2) doable (3) I can meet them ....sound redundant, well that's just because you have to be when you are trying to change something.
Yesterday was a success because Porter made it to scouts, and many other reasons, but this was my main focus.
Today is already a success, I rose out of bed to Maddy screaming her head off at Porter, instead of yelling at Porter I called him up got the story, then went to work on Maddy. No Nonsense, no screaming, Maddy got her morning chores done and Porter felt validated and I could shower in peace. Lets see what else might be good today!
On the negative side, both girls woke up with fevers, I knew Haven wasn't feeling well, now Maddy. Sounds like a redbox day to me!!!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
AC a +
Today the air was on and it definately helped my mood, also getting dinner figured out and mashed potatoes made before 10am helped too.
I had a sugar fix tonight with a great ice cream sale going on right now at Safeway. Be sure you have a circular their coupons are awesome.
One thing I really dislike is bedtime, aka,putting the kids to bed. We have a routine of flossing, brushing and rinsing, then scriptures, song and prayer. And I really can't stand doing it. I'm my most irritable at night, and just want to be alone. Zack and I switch on and off so every other night we take turns, but I usually end up with 4 days a week and he only has 3. Pretty sneaky. Anyway, I knew today was my day so I did the scripture song prayer routine this morning. Everyone was able to sit without whining, I had the patience necessary and it was done in 5 minutes. I think this is a practice I will continue to do!
Goodnight!
I had a sugar fix tonight with a great ice cream sale going on right now at Safeway. Be sure you have a circular their coupons are awesome.
One thing I really dislike is bedtime, aka,putting the kids to bed. We have a routine of flossing, brushing and rinsing, then scriptures, song and prayer. And I really can't stand doing it. I'm my most irritable at night, and just want to be alone. Zack and I switch on and off so every other night we take turns, but I usually end up with 4 days a week and he only has 3. Pretty sneaky. Anyway, I knew today was my day so I did the scripture song prayer routine this morning. Everyone was able to sit without whining, I had the patience necessary and it was done in 5 minutes. I think this is a practice I will continue to do!
Goodnight!
Monday, July 18, 2011
A Bad Day
This week has been rough, and it's only Monday night. Maybe it's keeping the AC off as long as possible before we melt, maybe it's that the kids would rather play then get enough sleep, maybe it's because I had to sleep in Porter's bed last night because Preston was hogging my side and Maddy joined him, or maybe just maybe it's because all of the above.
The routine is going pretty well. Although I find it particularly hard to shower and get ready for the day BEFORE doing chores and exercise. It's just gross to me to get clean then all sweaty again, so the last two days I've neglected the shower until my chores were done. Seems it takes me a lot longer to get going on my day, but since I'm on the road to imperfection, I will say that it's just fine.
One of my personal hurdles is setting myself up for failure and then proving myself right. example: My kids will be amazing ALL the time, My house will always be clean, I will not shout at my kids, I will not fight with a 10 year old, I can do everything I normally do each day on 2 hours of sleep and a bowl of cereal..... and on and on.
I allow myself to be flexible with daily plans (as most of you know I fly by the seat of my pants most of the time), but not with how I view myself. One of the tools I have learned to use is to listen to myself as if I were my best friend and respond as I would to her. I wouldn't demean her, I wouldn't tell her she is a bad Mom, I would want only success and hope for her, so why not for me?
There is no hope in saving today, however, so I am turning in and hope that tomorrow things will run a little smoother, and a little cooler. Perhaps it's time to turn the AC back on.
The routine is going pretty well. Although I find it particularly hard to shower and get ready for the day BEFORE doing chores and exercise. It's just gross to me to get clean then all sweaty again, so the last two days I've neglected the shower until my chores were done. Seems it takes me a lot longer to get going on my day, but since I'm on the road to imperfection, I will say that it's just fine.
One of my personal hurdles is setting myself up for failure and then proving myself right. example: My kids will be amazing ALL the time, My house will always be clean, I will not shout at my kids, I will not fight with a 10 year old, I can do everything I normally do each day on 2 hours of sleep and a bowl of cereal..... and on and on.
I allow myself to be flexible with daily plans (as most of you know I fly by the seat of my pants most of the time), but not with how I view myself. One of the tools I have learned to use is to listen to myself as if I were my best friend and respond as I would to her. I wouldn't demean her, I wouldn't tell her she is a bad Mom, I would want only success and hope for her, so why not for me?
There is no hope in saving today, however, so I am turning in and hope that tomorrow things will run a little smoother, and a little cooler. Perhaps it's time to turn the AC back on.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Dieter F. Uchdorf
"Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions."
I love this!
I love this!
Irreplaceable? I think not..
So when it comes to church I like to go EVERY week. There are reasons behind this. (1) the less you go, the less you feel you need to go (2) social interactions (3)magnify my calling (4) Because I know it is the right thing to do (5) to be a good example to my children (6) to keep my testimony strong, especially when it isn't at it's strongest. (7) I was taught to. Not necessarily in that order but they are all my reasons.
Last night Preston woke up with a high fever, and just miserable. So we got him his medicine and put him to bed with us. This morning he seemed better, but then started getting whiney and hot. I had already called "dibs" on staying home with him so here I sit writing my thoughts out.
I think it fair for all of you to know that I have gone to counseling, you know when you just can't pull yourself out of a rut? Well I got help, and I hope that if you find yourself struggling with life, that you too find the help that you need. Now that I've said that. Before counseling, I would have stayed home feeling so guilty and wondering how I would be punished for not going to church. I would worry about who would be able to fill my shoes, and all the people I would let down by not being there. Not so rational thoughts....
This morning I began that same pattern, "maybe he isn't really sick", "maybe we should just go to Sacrament and come home", "what will they do without me" and "what will I be punished for if I stay home." Then I thought about what I would put on my blog and an experience came to my mind.
Back in May my fabulous Parents paid for all my my siblings and their spouses as well as Zack and I to go to Hawaii for a week. All we had to figure out was food and a car. So we all went to have a wonderful time! We left on Saturday, so we would be there over a Sunday. So we all went to church on Sunday and this woman gave a talk, she was trying so hard to make a point and tell a good story that unfortunately it was mostly lost and just annoying to have to hear the repetition. Her story went something like this (and I bet I can write the 40 minute talk she gave in one paragraph). I may have it a little mixed up as I sorta tuned out...
She was a airline sterwardess, she made it so she usually wouldn't have to work Sundays, but this job came up that she needed to take and it would have her working Sat. but she would be back for Sunday. The airline strike went down and all the planes were grounded. She was away from home, stuck, worried that she wouldn't make it back till Sunday. She was so worried that she wouldn't be there to teach her lesson on Sunday. Then she thought of the mothers, the babies and the handicapped (in that order) and how they were all suffering from this strike as well. >eye roll< (I think I still need to repent about this) And asked that the Lord would bless all of them. She ended up making it home (I think) in time to teach her lesson and her prayers were answered.
So she felt a great deal of stress over not being able to attend church to teach her lesson. I shouldn't have rolled my eyes, because this is exactly how I feel, BUT when I hear someone else's reasoning this way I think "whatever, I'm sure someone could step in and teach the lesson one Sunday". And the world will keep on Turning. So this brings me to my own thoughts about myself. The world will keep turning if I am not there. The Spirit will still be there, if I am not there. And I don't believe God punishes every action or choice, because if he did everyone would be at church on Sunday. =) So as I'm trying to "fix" my rationale it makes sense to me that it is ok to stay home, especially with a sick child. One who needs my attention. And as a Mother, I know I would want others to keep their kids home from church if they were sick.
So My point after all that blabbing, is that I have been successful today in not feeling the guilt that seems to follow me. And that someone can, in fact, fill in for me. It is incredibly refreshing to sit in a quiet house with my little guy and just feel God's love for me as I think on these things. I'm where I am supposed to be today. Are you? =) You dont have to answer that I just like being a little sassy.
Last night Preston woke up with a high fever, and just miserable. So we got him his medicine and put him to bed with us. This morning he seemed better, but then started getting whiney and hot. I had already called "dibs" on staying home with him so here I sit writing my thoughts out.
I think it fair for all of you to know that I have gone to counseling, you know when you just can't pull yourself out of a rut? Well I got help, and I hope that if you find yourself struggling with life, that you too find the help that you need. Now that I've said that. Before counseling, I would have stayed home feeling so guilty and wondering how I would be punished for not going to church. I would worry about who would be able to fill my shoes, and all the people I would let down by not being there. Not so rational thoughts....
This morning I began that same pattern, "maybe he isn't really sick", "maybe we should just go to Sacrament and come home", "what will they do without me" and "what will I be punished for if I stay home." Then I thought about what I would put on my blog and an experience came to my mind.
Back in May my fabulous Parents paid for all my my siblings and their spouses as well as Zack and I to go to Hawaii for a week. All we had to figure out was food and a car. So we all went to have a wonderful time! We left on Saturday, so we would be there over a Sunday. So we all went to church on Sunday and this woman gave a talk, she was trying so hard to make a point and tell a good story that unfortunately it was mostly lost and just annoying to have to hear the repetition. Her story went something like this (and I bet I can write the 40 minute talk she gave in one paragraph). I may have it a little mixed up as I sorta tuned out...
She was a airline sterwardess, she made it so she usually wouldn't have to work Sundays, but this job came up that she needed to take and it would have her working Sat. but she would be back for Sunday. The airline strike went down and all the planes were grounded. She was away from home, stuck, worried that she wouldn't make it back till Sunday. She was so worried that she wouldn't be there to teach her lesson on Sunday. Then she thought of the mothers, the babies and the handicapped (in that order) and how they were all suffering from this strike as well. >eye roll< (I think I still need to repent about this) And asked that the Lord would bless all of them. She ended up making it home (I think) in time to teach her lesson and her prayers were answered.
So she felt a great deal of stress over not being able to attend church to teach her lesson. I shouldn't have rolled my eyes, because this is exactly how I feel, BUT when I hear someone else's reasoning this way I think "whatever, I'm sure someone could step in and teach the lesson one Sunday". And the world will keep on Turning. So this brings me to my own thoughts about myself. The world will keep turning if I am not there. The Spirit will still be there, if I am not there. And I don't believe God punishes every action or choice, because if he did everyone would be at church on Sunday. =) So as I'm trying to "fix" my rationale it makes sense to me that it is ok to stay home, especially with a sick child. One who needs my attention. And as a Mother, I know I would want others to keep their kids home from church if they were sick.
So My point after all that blabbing, is that I have been successful today in not feeling the guilt that seems to follow me. And that someone can, in fact, fill in for me. It is incredibly refreshing to sit in a quiet house with my little guy and just feel God's love for me as I think on these things. I'm where I am supposed to be today. Are you? =) You dont have to answer that I just like being a little sassy.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Scriptures Rock!
So this morning in my reading, at the end of my morning routine, I was in 2 Ne 8 and read verse 12
"I am he; yes, I am he that comforteth you. Behold, who are thou, that thou shouldst be afraid of man, who shall die, and of the son of man, who shall be made like unto grass?"
see also Jer 1:8, Isa 40:6-8, and 1Pet 1:24
Totally fit for me right now, then I had to chuckle a little at the last verse, verse 25 as I likened it unto me:
"Shake thyself from the dust; arise, sit down, O Jerusalem; loose theyself from the bands of they neck, O captive daughter of Zion."
What a great start to my day. I'm encouraged!
"I am he; yes, I am he that comforteth you. Behold, who are thou, that thou shouldst be afraid of man, who shall die, and of the son of man, who shall be made like unto grass?"
see also Jer 1:8, Isa 40:6-8, and 1Pet 1:24
Totally fit for me right now, then I had to chuckle a little at the last verse, verse 25 as I likened it unto me:
"Shake thyself from the dust; arise, sit down, O Jerusalem; loose theyself from the bands of they neck, O captive daughter of Zion."
What a great start to my day. I'm encouraged!
Friday, July 15, 2011
So 1st day
Win. The morning went pretty smoothly, kids got their chores done so we had friends over. Maddy acted up so she lost the friend privelidge. Which seemed to do her some good. After the park we enjoyed the kids at home till they had to go home. I accomplished the one task Zack asked me to do, which was to take the 8 bags of empty water bottles to get recycled. Which funded our date tonight! Qdoba, and brain freeze yogurt. mmmmmmmmm......
I also was able to do what I wanted to do. (I normally ask Zack what he would like to do and do it. I knew he wasn't keen on putting a tie on for the reception, so I mentioned that I would like to go and would take the girls. I probably didn't have to take the girls, but they really wanted to go, and I wanted them to see how happy Kimber was and that she made good choices.)So even though Zack wasn't up for it, he was totally happy for me to go. So I took the girls to a wedding reception and enjoyed catching up with friends and seeing a temple worthy, gorgeous bride. I love those types of receptions, they bring back such great memories!
Then came home to a clean bathroom. =) Getting on to my bedtime routine and hoping to get to bed asap, as that is also supposed to increase the happiness level, sleep!
Horay for today! I made it!
I also was able to do what I wanted to do. (I normally ask Zack what he would like to do and do it. I knew he wasn't keen on putting a tie on for the reception, so I mentioned that I would like to go and would take the girls. I probably didn't have to take the girls, but they really wanted to go, and I wanted them to see how happy Kimber was and that she made good choices.)So even though Zack wasn't up for it, he was totally happy for me to go. So I took the girls to a wedding reception and enjoyed catching up with friends and seeing a temple worthy, gorgeous bride. I love those types of receptions, they bring back such great memories!
Then came home to a clean bathroom. =) Getting on to my bedtime routine and hoping to get to bed asap, as that is also supposed to increase the happiness level, sleep!
Horay for today! I made it!
Here we go!
I feel that I may have had an epiphany and thought I would document it for posterity. When I talk with my kids I often think, Gee, why wasn't I told this stuff when I was this age? ANSWER: I'm sure I was, kids retain very little apparently. So here it is in writing. =)
Apparently I am in a very bad cycle of bad self talk, failure, and no hope. Being a mother of 4 is no easy feat and it sure isn't all jellybeans and balloons. In fact it is more binge eating, starving, screaming, and no sleeping. The is not a spot in the house that is clean, no task is every "completed" even when it is done.
My dilema: All my life I've tried to be a good person. A people pleaser if you will. My parents and siblings may say differently, because it seems I really only tried to please other people, especially people I didn't know. Crazy right? I've been in my own reality tv show before reality tv ever aired. I've been overly conscious of everything I do in public. I'm pretty awesome in public. But at home, its another story, I'm depressed, exhausted, and mad most of the time. I can never find the perfection I can pull off in public, in my home where it really matters.
So as I sort out priorities, start new routines, and strive to move forward to a happier me, I will keep you posted.
Currently, I am going back to www.Flylady.net. My goal is to get the morning and evening routines down so that I can have some sort of order in my house. I really feel that when the house is a mess, life is a mess, my emotions are a mess, and the kids don't feel the need to respect anything including me. So here we go!!!
Apparently I am in a very bad cycle of bad self talk, failure, and no hope. Being a mother of 4 is no easy feat and it sure isn't all jellybeans and balloons. In fact it is more binge eating, starving, screaming, and no sleeping. The is not a spot in the house that is clean, no task is every "completed" even when it is done.
My dilema: All my life I've tried to be a good person. A people pleaser if you will. My parents and siblings may say differently, because it seems I really only tried to please other people, especially people I didn't know. Crazy right? I've been in my own reality tv show before reality tv ever aired. I've been overly conscious of everything I do in public. I'm pretty awesome in public. But at home, its another story, I'm depressed, exhausted, and mad most of the time. I can never find the perfection I can pull off in public, in my home where it really matters.
So as I sort out priorities, start new routines, and strive to move forward to a happier me, I will keep you posted.
Currently, I am going back to www.Flylady.net. My goal is to get the morning and evening routines down so that I can have some sort of order in my house. I really feel that when the house is a mess, life is a mess, my emotions are a mess, and the kids don't feel the need to respect anything including me. So here we go!!!
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