Health

Well most of you who live near me know that I seem to be becoming the new Pillsbury spokes person. This is allotted to stress eating, fatigue and general ignoring of myself.

Thankfully I have a great backyard to use for my new EXERCISE regime. It it full of waist high weeds and is rather large in size. My new workout will be raking, pulling, swearing, and just getting good and sweaty. I may lose most of my weight in snot as I breathe in all the dust from these precious weeds. So be it. I'm going to be happy with the end result in my backyard being ready for grass seed, and in me for getting the job done and getting some exercise.

Preston has been a joy to work with and likes to sit on his tractor or work along side me.

Last week I worked on a Saturday and both girls joined me out side. It was not relaxing as usual. They had lots to say, and they bickered, and complained. I could feel myself getting ready to explode and banish them back to the house. I took a deep breath and thought "this is important" and just tried to ignore them the rest of the time. Does this make me a bad mom? To some. But to me, tolerating them and spending time with them working is important. And even though it was less enjoyable to me, they seemed to gain from the experience.

Even though Maddy refused to be happy with whatever tool she was given (even though each one were the ones she begged whined and cried for) and Haven was getting tired of her noise and having to give up her tools to pacify the little crazy. Preston just continued to sit on his tractor and play with his sand toys.

Haven also was impressed and a little envious that I could DRIP sweat! Cool. Somethign else I am good at. I told her when she hit puberty she'd sweat more and she is looking forward to being able to drip sweat too. Funny kid.

so I labeled the last entry incorrectly, who cares...

A turn for the better. After conversing with my Dad, I have a new hope for myself. He pointed out that I tend to sieze upon things and focus so hard that I create the problems that I am having. HOw is that for imperfection?!? At it's best I say! The constant setting myslef up for failure and unhappines.

Want to know a secret? You choose your mood, you choose how you feel. In many ways. It's how you view life and how you treat yourself and you body. If you eat like crap, you will feel like crap. If you don't go outside, you'll get down. If you focus on all the negative, you will feel that you cannot breathe and be seriously unhappy. I know I have a strong family history in depression, but medication can only do so much. Don't get me wrong, I am all for it, but I would love to not depend on it to feel happy or simply, not sad. Lowering or rather redefining your level of perfection also makes a HUGE difference when you can make it realistic. And most importantly being honest with yourself. I am not a huge fan of ALL the work that comes with having 4 kids. If I could skip all their fighting and whining I would. If I could have a maid, I would, if I could hire a professional organizer I would. These are things I truly do not enjoy and could do without. DOes this make me a bad Mom? Perhaps to some, but so be it, I am who I am. And that's all that I am...lol popeye

So this past week I've tried to count my blessing, be grateful for what I have for I truly have a lot! I have a successful Temple marriage, (hasn't always been so successful, so don't think this is a "brag". My NEW definition of successful is that we are not divorced and tolerate each other well - so we are pretty darn successful!) Wow I suddenly feel like I am good at something!

I have four Healthy, Intelligent, Beautiful, funny, adorable, sweet, strong, independent, hilarious CHILDREN! I hit the jack pot. Do they fight? constantly. Do I yell at them? yes I do. Would I like to give them away for weeks at a time? yes I would. Do they make me scream and run and hide? sometimes. But they are all alive, fed, clothed, and taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And in that, I am successful.

See how awesome I can be when I lower my standards of perfection! It's amazing! LOL

So as I revamp my brain and focus on the good, focus on what I am grateful for, Pray mightilty for a sweet change of heart so that I can cherish these young years,

turn for the better

So I've been going a little crazy lately, thinking that I would love to go back to school to become a chiropractor. What am I thinking right? A friend answered that when she seriously LOL in front of me when I mentioned it. I was a little taken back, all things are possible right?

Zack was very supportive and didn't laugh once when I talked about it, he even encouraged me to do it if I felt it was the right thing. With him backing me I needed to really think, this could actually be possible. =)

So next I went to the wisest person I know, who won't sugar coat, won't laugh at me, and will give me sound advice. My Dad. After a very good long conversation with him face to face, after a few tears, and the honest to goodness truth of it all, I have a better idea of what I want to do. To make sure I make the decision for the right reasons. Not for Money, not to get away from the house, not to have a break from the kids. But for me, and if I felt it was right and to truly help people.

Now I know that some of those wrong reasons definately play a role, we are a one income family and I love to shop and we are actually living fairly frugal when I look at it, but we also need to find money for saving for missions, colleges, and weddings, emergencies, new cars that don't break down all the time, a landscaped backyard, money for kids to do activities they are dying to do like football, horseback riding, dance, cheerleading, Starmites, music lessons and the list just never stops.

I also know that I would enjoy the challenge, getting out of the house a plus for my mental health. And feeling good at something that helps others would be cool.

My initial reasons I feel are right, I want to help like My chiropractor helps me and my family. I want to be able to adjust my kids, my parents, Zack, and all my family so they can feel good and live better. Especially when they have an accident like riding full on into a sign pole on their bike and stopping with their chin like Maddy did last night. :/

I want to learn, I want to learn about our bodies, they are amazing creations.

When it comes down to it. I know I want it for the right reasons, however, as I look at my children, I know that now is not the right time. I do feel sad about this. But who knows, the time may be right sooner than I think, OR I will be blessed to keep our great Chiropractor now and find my path in another area.

I trust the Spirit and I will strive to live in harmony with it so that

The Chiropractor

Wow, I took a little break didn't I? =) Let me tell you the most wonderful news in the world right now! I went to a Chiropractor!!!!!!! Ever think that they were only for those who could afford to be pampered like a massage? Well that is what I thought, UNTIL a friend mentioned that a chiropractor could help open my ear back up. As I was still having pain and no drainage no matter how much decongestant I was taking.

It is now my professional opinion that EVERYONE go to a Chiropractor on a regular basis. These are the Dr.'s that actually improve life without writing a prescription! SUBLUXATION, look it up. Our Spinal chord and nervous system is connected to our spine. What happens when your spine gets out of alignment? Your spinal chord and nervouse system are altered and not for the better. Your brain can't send signals to your body, so you end up with altered health and pain or just plain think that this is how life is supposed to be.

I have been seriously struggling for the past two years and possibly more, but I have really noticed since I gave birth to Preston that I wasn't feeling right. I've been severely depressed, have had anxiety attacks, anger issues, back pain, and EXHAUSTION! After going to the Chiropractor and getting x-rays, etc. I could SEE the issues in my spine and the locations with the trouble effects my sight, thyroid, emotions, ears nose throat, stomach, balance, and my nervous system was always "on" high alert meaning I was always exhausted. I know there was more but that is what I can remember at this point. It was cool to have him tell me the areas where my spine wasn't happy and be like "yep, yep, yep, yep" almost like a palm reader. (I've never been to a palm reader, but he was reading my spine and it was right on with my symptoms).

So I finally decided to go and pay the money for the first appointment to see if he could fix my ear, after the first adjustment I was in AWE as to how relaxed I felt. He popped, snapped and cracked me, with Zack as my witness (I think the doc might have been showing off....lol) But that evening surrounded by kids at a baseball game with all the noise, etc. I was completely relaxed. I have not been relaxed in a LONG TIME. It was SO amazing to me, I looked down at my hands and noticed that they were not clinched or in fists and that I actually enjoyed an evening with the family and felt amazing! JUST AFTER ONE ADJUSTMENT.

He showed me the plan he put in order for me and come hell or high water I am going to make sure I can afford it and get back to health so I can enjoy life again. I have been able to lower my mood medication, I've been able to have energy and have a feeling of ease which I'd envied in so many. No amount of diet or exercise, or pills could give me what I have now without side effects and chemicals. I'm so thankful I was so desperate to try ANYTHING and my prayers have been answered. After my second adjustment where he released jaw muscles, and cricked my neck really good, my ear opened up, I couldn't believe that either, it took 10 hours, but it worked!

So anyway, I thought I would share, I just can't believe the good results I have and how common sense it all is, and that I've misunderstood it all for so long! My kids are all going next. I'd like to make Zack go, but he isn't a believer at least for himself. I know he is a believer for me because after my first week of adjustments I suddenly had energy to clean the house, he came down stairs, looked around and told me I should get adjusted more often. I agree. I'm so grateful and so happy! I just want to shout it out from the rooftops!!!!!! But I suppose my blog and fb

testimony

I also enjoyed sharing my testimony.

A Feast

Today I attended church with Mom and Dad. It was so wonderful as I hadn't been in 3 weeks, and was SO ready to go back. The meetings were all wonderful, I truly do love and enjoy fast and testimony meetings. I always feel the Spirit. Dad taught Sunday School about how the church policy's change with the needs of a growing church. It was really interesting to learn about. How there are limits so that there is time to find and create leaders to delegate and make sure the work is done in order. He gave an example about Elder Zitattee (first member of the 70 out of Africa) his family and friends were so offended when he chose to join the church since they Priesthood had not been given to Black men at the time. His view on this was that it was what needed in the Lord's time. Right now the gospel is spreading like wildfire in Africa, and to keep up with this in an orderly fashion missionaries are only allowed to tract within 30 min walking time of their apt. Soon it will be different as things are established and in Order and in the Lord's time. I thought it was very interesting and enjoyable to learn about.

Relief Society was also fabulous. Darla Stanger taught a lesson on Blessings of Obedience and also had Sandra Koelzer share about how being obedient had blessed her for 5 years while her family was out of work. They chose to be as obedient as possible as it was promised in the scriptures that the obedient would be blessed and taken care of. It was wonderful, she pointed out 7 areas that truly blessed her family. In random order...

1-to ask for what was needed in prayer, and then to meditate

2-Tithing, usually came back 100 fold in Spiritual blessings, instead of saying that lucky, or coincidence, noticed that it was blessings.

3-Word of Wisdom, health (they were without health insurance and only needed medical for one broken hand during the 5 years)
One note I LOVED that she mentioned about this, was D&C 89:124, a way to cease fatigue was not only to go to bed early and rise early, but to also CEASE TO FIND FAULT. Isn't that interesting?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

4-Having Gratitude

5-Service

6-Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy As she mentioned this I started listing all the things I would need to change for this (keep everyone in church clothes all day, no tv, journal writing, etc etc etc. It was my favorite that she said, to her, to keep the Sabbath Day holy she chose NOT to do laundry on Sunday. Now I CAN DO THAT!!!

7-Honer they Father and Mother that they days may be long in the Land I found this interesting, but when you do these things, there is greater love.

She ended with saying "Thank Him, Praise Him, & Do what He Says" which I totally plan on cutting into vinyl and adhering it to my wall.

Another comment was "Luck favors the Prepared" when we prepare, we are more able to deal with any circumstances. Sandra had food storage, they had retirement AND savings. So they were able to keep their home and avoid bankruptcy. So this saying makes great sense.

So by BEING OBEDIENT we will find ourselves greatly blessed and I know that we all feel that we could use some help in our lives, the key is to be obedient to the Father and align our will with His, and we'll be much better for it.

It was a GREAT LESSON!

Quick last note, Darla shared a story of Tami's kids. Adam and Sarah both prayed for a sibling, Adam prayed for a brother, and Sarah Prayed for a sister. They received a call that a little girl needed a family. They picked her up. Sarah was so thankful that her prayers had been answered she shared that with her family. Adam was silent, and in the evening Tami was able to talk with him about what was bothering him. He asked her why God hadn't answered his prayers. Tami is so wise and so in tune with the Spirit, She responded that Heavenly Father knew that this little girl needed a family and need to have a great big brother to help take care of her so He sent her to them. She explained that they can ask for what they want, but that Heavenly Father can choose how to answer our prayers, and that He will do what is best. It was really sweet and better said than my paraphrasing. But this will help me remember a great lesson.

Thank you for a very informative and uplifting day!

Back from the Grave

Hello, all 1 of you. =) I'm back from a very bad bacterial infection in my ears and throat. It was so nasty, my ears starting filling up with fluid, and 5 hours later I had one burst ear drum and the other I was wishing would burst. A sore throat that would not be soothed. And just worn out completely, I don't think I have ever been so sick before, even with after having babies, it was all I could do to have faith that I would get better and not feel pain at some point.

Now I am on my second round of antibiotics, the first didn't work well enough. Even now I fasted today, and took one of my doses later than usual, and my throat is sore on one side again. I've since taken all my doses for today and HOPE that it will not return with a vengeance, but get snuffed out by the end of my antibiotics.

A few things happened during this illness that I would like to document so that I can remember what I learned and hopefully not have a repeat. =)

1) I have medical insurance for a reason, when I wait to long it ends up costing more in appointments, medications, and in fast food. I was down for two weeks, one of which I didn't hardly get out of bed, and Zack was a superstar and took care of everything, which meant it was quite expensive to go out to eat with all the kids 5 days in a row. So, next time I hope I will not wait, even if it turns out to be nothing, $20 is better that $215 + whatever was spent on fast food, I don't want to add that up.

2) I was so sick that I asked for help. I contacted my Relief Society Pres. who is not responsible over the compassionate service. In my defence, ours moved out and I didn't know we had a new one. But still, there are proper channels for a reason. Anyhow, Our ward has been FULL of needs, we had a stroke occur, a sister going into her 3rd hip replacement surgery, a sister going through chemotherapy, a sister with undiagnosed constant pain, and the list goes on and on, so it really takes a lot for me to feel justified in asking for help. So I didn't get a meal the night I had asked for, the next day. I felt awful. And wallowed in my self pity for a moment. The next day my RS President showed up with a 3 course meal that lasted for 3-4 meals!, my dear VT came the next day with lunch. I was so grateful. My Mom also ordered food through amazon and had it sent to my door. The Lord always provides, I need to remember that.

3) Don't wait to ask for a blessing. I got a blessing of comfort near the beginning, but what I really needed was a blessing of healing, and finally was able to get it thanks to a willing brother who came over to assist Zack in this wonderful Priesthood ordinance. My Faith was greatly restored that I would be ok, it still took another 5 days to start feeling well, I was able to think back on the blessing every time I started to despair and was comforted.

4) After the first week I decided to stop complaining and start seeing what I needed to learn from this. This might be considered being compelled to be humble? Then I worried that maybe it was so Zack could learn something and worried that it might take more time.... =) What I did learn, the world continues without me. I have this illusion that I'm so important that I have to fulfill everything on my list to make sure the world turns. This isn't the case, deep down I know it, but I think it is pride that provides the guilt of not feeling like I'm doing enough each day. I learned that when I asked Zack responded beautifully and ended up stay ing home from work for a number of days and even came home mid-day, when I asked him to. He made sure the kids ate and were taken care of and I literally slept the whole time.

5) Frozen packs of expired hot dogs are a God send.

6) Garlic does in fact help ease ear pain, and I smell delightful until my next shower.

7) I need to slow down. I need to stop doing unimportant things and get the basics down then enjoy life. I stress and stress and stress and stress and stress, and all it does is make me an ineffective person and I waste a great deal of time worrying over things I cannot control. I need to knock that off.

8) I believe I learned a great deal of empathy, if anyone is so sick they ask for a meal, I will be ready to serve. I'm so grateful for those who provided meals. They were much better than anything i would be able to provide, but at the point I was at I would have kissed their feet for already made ramen noodles and green beans. =)

9) My husband loves me. I know many may think this is a given, but with four young children, job, limited income it is hard to have the time and patience to sit down with each other and connect. Having him drag me into the dr., making me stay in bed, and taking over all the household made me feel so incredibly loved and appreciated! If he was supposed to learn something I hope he learned a little empathy for me and what I do day in and day out. It is no easy feat. I always thought it should be easy, that mothering came naturally, that I'd never yell at my children, that I would be a whiz in the kitchen, and a happy homemaker. I'm not any of those things, but I am finding out that that is ok. It IS hard. But I also know that it IS worth it.

10) My Heavenly Father Loves me. I know this, and as I look at things that happen to me everyday I am reminded of this. I know he loves me, he heard me constantly complaining of pain and just listened. =) I am also so GRATEFUL for Christ and for His suffering in Gethsemane. I cannot imagine the extent of all pain or all sin, but what I felt, I would've given my pinky finger for someone else would have taken it away. I'm so grateful that he chose to go through with God's plan and atone for us and to suffer, so that he might know how to succor His people.


I'm glad that all of these things were brought to my attention, and that I was able to think on these things while I was sick. I am SO grateful that I am feeling better, and hope to be 100% by the time school and all that work begins.

Thank you also for all the prayers said in my behalf! I'm so grateful to be on the mend!!!

Another stolen thought, or should I say borrowed?

Ok I've been pretty darn sick the last two days with a monster of a cold that is killin' me slowly. So for today I read this on a fb post, and found it absolutely profound and something I have been working on.

"when you have certain expectations of someone, it tends to decrease the amount of appreciation expressed... my new goal will not be to exceed someone else's expectations, but show more appreciation to people who may not meet mine."

Thank you Elaine! Back to be for me....

Stolen Post

Ok I stole this from a friend leaving for a mission this week, she hit one of my lessons I'm learning and it totally makes sense! Thank you Sweeney!

Friday, July 22, 2011You Can Get with This, or You Can Get with That...
Ok, so I was just presented with the knowledge that I may or may not even get to be in charge of my own blog while I'm Livin' the D.R. Loca. Great. I think my mom and aunt will be taking pieces of my letters and forming them into future blog posts. Double great. They don't have a technological clue to split between them (love you guys!) But asi es la vida; you have to deal the best you can with what you have. Which brings me to what I actually want to blog about.

The other day, I was shopping in the jolly world of Wally Mart, searching for the last minute mission items I needed. After squeezing through the usual throng of thousands that always seem to populate that particular store, I finally made it to the camping area where I would pick out the flashlight that will light my way for the next 1.5 years (ooh, your token spiritual metaphor). I was thrilled that most of the flashlights were under 6 bucks and there were a surprising amount of cheap options. But for some reason, the decision was not as easy as it should have been. I was faced with two options that put me in a quandary: for the same price ($5.97), I could get the blue flashlight that takes Double A batteries and has the soft grip handle (made from the same stuff as those computer wrist supports) with 20 hour battery life 
You can't tell from this pic, but the handle is sooooo squishy!
or I could get the silver one with 40 hours of shine that uses triple A batteries. For some reason, I truly hate these kind of batteries.

So I reached (somewhat dejectedly) for the ugly, hard-handled light device, grabbed it off the rack, and turned to throw it into the cart full of other exciting items (razors, deodorant, hairspray) when I was stopped by a thought. There was no monkey on my back making my life choices for me. And then I remembered the song from one of my all-time favorite commercials. You know, the one with the rapping hamsters trying to convince you to buy a 2010 Kia Soul by suggesting that you can either get with this (the aforementioned Kia) or you can get with that (a toaster, a cardboard box, a washing machine). Pretty much, you realize that you'd have to be an absolute tool if you would rather drive a toaster than a Kia. I kind of have to agree.

And in my case, I could also either get with this (blue soft flashlight) or that (silver, many-hour flashlight) and I realized, (gasp) it didn't really matter! I should just get what I want and what will make me happier. So I'll have to take along a few extra batteries. We have a ton of Double A's in our house anyways (suck it Triple A's). It made me realize that I tend to fall into this pattern of behavior a lot; instead of going after what I want, I go after what I think I should want. And I came to the brilliant conclusion that I, and probably anyone else who does this, should stop. I mean, at the end of our lives, do we really want to look back at a bunch of ugly watches and flashlights? (Oooh, another metaphor, I'm killin' it today)! But seriously, people are always talking about living life with no regrets. And even though a flashlight isn't something that will really shake up my future very much, the attitude which prompts its purchase will. We need to figure out what it is we really want from life, and then be brave enough to pursue it, even if a group of rapping hamsters surrounds us and tries to persuade us otherwise. Maybe especially then.

Well, that's it for now. I'm about to go off and seize the day(s) for the next year and a half. I hope you all can do the same. Oh, and here is a link to that most delightful commercial. Because you deserve it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOHwjjhFTac

talking to myself

Apparently it is quite theraputic

Great day

Kids still recovering from fevers, no fevers, but I told them we were chilling today anyway. They played really well together and I was able to get more than a few of my cleaning/straightening goals done. Which always feels good, especially when it is something the kids can't reverse in 10 seconds or less.

Morning routine is saving my life. Instead of trying to stay in bed and squeeze every last minute I can in bed, I get up, make it, brush my teeth, swipe my bathroom with a clorox wipe, shower, and dress to shoes. My bathroom is clean and I'm ready to go. It makes such a huge difference, I don't know how or why, but I am more able to function and the kids seem to know that the day has begun. So I'm loving that.

I also volunteered to help a friend with a roadshow (1 skit out of 6, so not too huge). I know, I know, I'm supposed to be taking things off my plate to get to a healthier me, however, I have ALWAYS wanted to help in one of these, I've been in a few as a youth and had the most fun! I'm really excited to be a helper, that way I'm not 100% necessary to be there nor am I in charge which is always good.

So adding something you love is very healthy I am finding. I also added some yoga back in. I'm so sore and tired every day, I needed something to help me out, I'm not 80 afterall.....yet.... I can't tell I feel better and am smiling more, another plus!

Subtracting, I have ended an unhealthy relationship. And normally I would stew and stew over what happened and if I said the right things, and if this person thinks I mean, or that I was the problem. This time, I stewed for a day, picked myself up (thanks to very supportive sisters and friends) and have only glanced back occassionally hoping I did the right thing. We tell our kids all the time how important it is to pick good friends. I think as adults we tend to be more of a friend to all (may be a woman thing) but anyway, I feel the need to be nice to everyone and hope that being nice will bless me with their friendship. Naive and a little sad that this is not always the case. So movin' on! Lookin' for some more pleasant friends that I can communicate more easily with. And ENJOY!

It's good to feel successful! What did you get done today? Notice how waking up was an accomplishment for me! It's all about the little things! Make sure you are giving yourself credit!

Diagnosis

When you know you have a wonderful husband, great kids, temple marriage, a fabulous home, and everything you had dreamed about during your childhood years and you find that you are miserable, something must be wrong. Just sayin.

When I hold myself accountable to my ideals of what a good wife, mother, person is, I will never catch up and therefore will always be miserable.

Prescription, I will continually try to re-evaluate my ideals so that they are (1) realistic (2) doable (3) I can meet them ....sound redundant, well that's just because you have to be when you are trying to change something.

Yesterday was a success because Porter made it to scouts, and many other reasons, but this was my main focus.

Today is already a success, I rose out of bed to Maddy screaming her head off at Porter, instead of yelling at Porter I called him up got the story, then went to work on Maddy. No Nonsense, no screaming, Maddy got her morning chores done and Porter felt validated and I could shower in peace. Lets see what else might be good today!

On the negative side, both girls woke up with fevers, I knew Haven wasn't feeling well, now Maddy. Sounds like a redbox day to me!!!!

AC a +

Today the air was on and it definately helped my mood, also getting dinner figured out and mashed potatoes made before 10am helped too.

I had a sugar fix tonight with a great ice cream sale going on right now at Safeway. Be sure you have a circular their coupons are awesome.

One thing I really dislike is bedtime, aka,putting the kids to bed. We have a routine of flossing, brushing and rinsing, then scriptures, song and prayer. And I really can't stand doing it. I'm my most irritable at night, and just want to be alone. Zack and I switch on and off so every other night we take turns, but I usually end up with 4 days a week and he only has 3. Pretty sneaky. Anyway, I knew today was my day so I did the scripture song prayer routine this morning. Everyone was able to sit without whining, I had the patience necessary and it was done in 5 minutes. I think this is a practice I will continue to do!

Goodnight!

A Bad Day

This week has been rough, and it's only Monday night. Maybe it's keeping the AC off as long as possible before we melt, maybe it's that the kids would rather play then get enough sleep, maybe it's because I had to sleep in Porter's bed last night because Preston was hogging my side and Maddy joined him, or maybe just maybe it's because all of the above.

The routine is going pretty well. Although I find it particularly hard to shower and get ready for the day BEFORE doing chores and exercise. It's just gross to me to get clean then all sweaty again, so the last two days I've neglected the shower until my chores were done. Seems it takes me a lot longer to get going on my day, but since I'm on the road to imperfection, I will say that it's just fine.

One of my personal hurdles is setting myself up for failure and then proving myself right. example: My kids will be amazing ALL the time, My house will always be clean, I will not shout at my kids, I will not fight with a 10 year old, I can do everything I normally do each day on 2 hours of sleep and a bowl of cereal..... and on and on.

I allow myself to be flexible with daily plans (as most of you know I fly by the seat of my pants most of the time), but not with how I view myself. One of the tools I have learned to use is to listen to myself as if I were my best friend and respond as I would to her. I wouldn't demean her, I wouldn't tell her she is a bad Mom, I would want only success and hope for her, so why not for me?

There is no hope in saving today, however, so I am turning in and hope that tomorrow things will run a little smoother, and a little cooler. Perhaps it's time to turn the AC back on.

Dieter F. Uchdorf

"Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions."


I love this!

Irreplaceable? I think not..

So when it comes to church I like to go EVERY week. There are reasons behind this. (1) the less you go, the less you feel you need to go (2) social interactions (3)magnify my calling (4) Because I know it is the right thing to do (5) to be a good example to my children (6) to keep my testimony strong, especially when it isn't at it's strongest. (7) I was taught to. Not necessarily in that order but they are all my reasons.

Last night Preston woke up with a high fever, and just miserable. So we got him his medicine and put him to bed with us. This morning he seemed better, but then started getting whiney and hot. I had already called "dibs" on staying home with him so here I sit writing my thoughts out.

I think it fair for all of you to know that I have gone to counseling, you know when you just can't pull yourself out of a rut? Well I got help, and I hope that if you find yourself struggling with life, that you too find the help that you need. Now that I've said that. Before counseling, I would have stayed home feeling so guilty and wondering how I would be punished for not going to church. I would worry about who would be able to fill my shoes, and all the people I would let down by not being there. Not so rational thoughts....

This morning I began that same pattern, "maybe he isn't really sick", "maybe we should just go to Sacrament and come home", "what will they do without me" and "what will I be punished for if I stay home." Then I thought about what I would put on my blog and an experience came to my mind.

Back in May my fabulous Parents paid for all my my siblings and their spouses as well as Zack and I to go to Hawaii for a week. All we had to figure out was food and a car. So we all went to have a wonderful time! We left on Saturday, so we would be there over a Sunday. So we all went to church on Sunday and this woman gave a talk, she was trying so hard to make a point and tell a good story that unfortunately it was mostly lost and just annoying to have to hear the repetition. Her story went something like this (and I bet I can write the 40 minute talk she gave in one paragraph). I may have it a little mixed up as I sorta tuned out...

She was a airline sterwardess, she made it so she usually wouldn't have to work Sundays, but this job came up that she needed to take and it would have her working Sat. but she would be back for Sunday. The airline strike went down and all the planes were grounded. She was away from home, stuck, worried that she wouldn't make it back till Sunday. She was so worried that she wouldn't be there to teach her lesson on Sunday. Then she thought of the mothers, the babies and the handicapped (in that order) and how they were all suffering from this strike as well. >eye roll< (I think I still need to repent about this) And asked that the Lord would bless all of them. She ended up making it home (I think) in time to teach her lesson and her prayers were answered.

So she felt a great deal of stress over not being able to attend church to teach her lesson. I shouldn't have rolled my eyes, because this is exactly how I feel, BUT when I hear someone else's reasoning this way I think "whatever, I'm sure someone could step in and teach the lesson one Sunday". And the world will keep on Turning. So this brings me to my own thoughts about myself. The world will keep turning if I am not there. The Spirit will still be there, if I am not there. And I don't believe God punishes every action or choice, because if he did everyone would be at church on Sunday. =) So as I'm trying to "fix" my rationale it makes sense to me that it is ok to stay home, especially with a sick child. One who needs my attention. And as a Mother, I know I would want others to keep their kids home from church if they were sick.

So My point after all that blabbing, is that I have been successful today in not feeling the guilt that seems to follow me. And that someone can, in fact, fill in for me. It is incredibly refreshing to sit in a quiet house with my little guy and just feel God's love for me as I think on these things. I'm where I am supposed to be today. Are you? =) You dont have to answer that I just like being a little sassy.

Scriptures Rock!

So this morning in my reading, at the end of my morning routine, I was in 2 Ne 8 and read verse 12

"I am he; yes, I am he that comforteth you. Behold, who are thou, that thou shouldst be afraid of man, who shall die, and of the son of man, who shall be made like unto grass?"

see also Jer 1:8, Isa 40:6-8, and 1Pet 1:24

Totally fit for me right now, then I had to chuckle a little at the last verse, verse 25 as I likened it unto me:

"Shake thyself from the dust; arise, sit down, O Jerusalem; loose theyself from the bands of they neck, O captive daughter of Zion."

What a great start to my day. I'm encouraged!

So 1st day

Win. The morning went pretty smoothly, kids got their chores done so we had friends over. Maddy acted up so she lost the friend privelidge. Which seemed to do her some good. After the park we enjoyed the kids at home till they had to go home. I accomplished the one task Zack asked me to do, which was to take the 8 bags of empty water bottles to get recycled. Which funded our date tonight! Qdoba, and brain freeze yogurt. mmmmmmmmm......

I also was able to do what I wanted to do. (I normally ask Zack what he would like to do and do it. I knew he wasn't keen on putting a tie on for the reception, so I mentioned that I would like to go and would take the girls. I probably didn't have to take the girls, but they really wanted to go, and I wanted them to see how happy Kimber was and that she made good choices.)So even though Zack wasn't up for it, he was totally happy for me to go. So I took the girls to a wedding reception and enjoyed catching up with friends and seeing a temple worthy, gorgeous bride. I love those types of receptions, they bring back such great memories!

Then came home to a clean bathroom. =) Getting on to my bedtime routine and hoping to get to bed asap, as that is also supposed to increase the happiness level, sleep!

Horay for today! I made it!

Here we go!

I feel that I may have had an epiphany and thought I would document it for posterity. When I talk with my kids I often think, Gee, why wasn't I told this stuff when I was this age? ANSWER: I'm sure I was, kids retain very little apparently. So here it is in writing. =)

Apparently I am in a very bad cycle of bad self talk, failure, and no hope. Being a mother of 4 is no easy feat and it sure isn't all jellybeans and balloons. In fact it is more binge eating, starving, screaming, and no sleeping. The is not a spot in the house that is clean, no task is every "completed" even when it is done.

My dilema: All my life I've tried to be a good person. A people pleaser if you will. My parents and siblings may say differently, because it seems I really only tried to please other people, especially people I didn't know. Crazy right? I've been in my own reality tv show before reality tv ever aired. I've been overly conscious of everything I do in public. I'm pretty awesome in public. But at home, its another story, I'm depressed, exhausted, and mad most of the time. I can never find the perfection I can pull off in public, in my home where it really matters.

So as I sort out priorities, start new routines, and strive to move forward to a happier me, I will keep you posted.

Currently, I am going back to www.Flylady.net. My goal is to get the morning and evening routines down so that I can have some sort of order in my house. I really feel that when the house is a mess, life is a mess, my emotions are a mess, and the kids don't feel the need to respect anything including me. So here we go!!!