Back from the Grave

Hello, all 1 of you. =) I'm back from a very bad bacterial infection in my ears and throat. It was so nasty, my ears starting filling up with fluid, and 5 hours later I had one burst ear drum and the other I was wishing would burst. A sore throat that would not be soothed. And just worn out completely, I don't think I have ever been so sick before, even with after having babies, it was all I could do to have faith that I would get better and not feel pain at some point.

Now I am on my second round of antibiotics, the first didn't work well enough. Even now I fasted today, and took one of my doses later than usual, and my throat is sore on one side again. I've since taken all my doses for today and HOPE that it will not return with a vengeance, but get snuffed out by the end of my antibiotics.

A few things happened during this illness that I would like to document so that I can remember what I learned and hopefully not have a repeat. =)

1) I have medical insurance for a reason, when I wait to long it ends up costing more in appointments, medications, and in fast food. I was down for two weeks, one of which I didn't hardly get out of bed, and Zack was a superstar and took care of everything, which meant it was quite expensive to go out to eat with all the kids 5 days in a row. So, next time I hope I will not wait, even if it turns out to be nothing, $20 is better that $215 + whatever was spent on fast food, I don't want to add that up.

2) I was so sick that I asked for help. I contacted my Relief Society Pres. who is not responsible over the compassionate service. In my defence, ours moved out and I didn't know we had a new one. But still, there are proper channels for a reason. Anyhow, Our ward has been FULL of needs, we had a stroke occur, a sister going into her 3rd hip replacement surgery, a sister going through chemotherapy, a sister with undiagnosed constant pain, and the list goes on and on, so it really takes a lot for me to feel justified in asking for help. So I didn't get a meal the night I had asked for, the next day. I felt awful. And wallowed in my self pity for a moment. The next day my RS President showed up with a 3 course meal that lasted for 3-4 meals!, my dear VT came the next day with lunch. I was so grateful. My Mom also ordered food through amazon and had it sent to my door. The Lord always provides, I need to remember that.

3) Don't wait to ask for a blessing. I got a blessing of comfort near the beginning, but what I really needed was a blessing of healing, and finally was able to get it thanks to a willing brother who came over to assist Zack in this wonderful Priesthood ordinance. My Faith was greatly restored that I would be ok, it still took another 5 days to start feeling well, I was able to think back on the blessing every time I started to despair and was comforted.

4) After the first week I decided to stop complaining and start seeing what I needed to learn from this. This might be considered being compelled to be humble? Then I worried that maybe it was so Zack could learn something and worried that it might take more time.... =) What I did learn, the world continues without me. I have this illusion that I'm so important that I have to fulfill everything on my list to make sure the world turns. This isn't the case, deep down I know it, but I think it is pride that provides the guilt of not feeling like I'm doing enough each day. I learned that when I asked Zack responded beautifully and ended up stay ing home from work for a number of days and even came home mid-day, when I asked him to. He made sure the kids ate and were taken care of and I literally slept the whole time.

5) Frozen packs of expired hot dogs are a God send.

6) Garlic does in fact help ease ear pain, and I smell delightful until my next shower.

7) I need to slow down. I need to stop doing unimportant things and get the basics down then enjoy life. I stress and stress and stress and stress and stress, and all it does is make me an ineffective person and I waste a great deal of time worrying over things I cannot control. I need to knock that off.

8) I believe I learned a great deal of empathy, if anyone is so sick they ask for a meal, I will be ready to serve. I'm so grateful for those who provided meals. They were much better than anything i would be able to provide, but at the point I was at I would have kissed their feet for already made ramen noodles and green beans. =)

9) My husband loves me. I know many may think this is a given, but with four young children, job, limited income it is hard to have the time and patience to sit down with each other and connect. Having him drag me into the dr., making me stay in bed, and taking over all the household made me feel so incredibly loved and appreciated! If he was supposed to learn something I hope he learned a little empathy for me and what I do day in and day out. It is no easy feat. I always thought it should be easy, that mothering came naturally, that I'd never yell at my children, that I would be a whiz in the kitchen, and a happy homemaker. I'm not any of those things, but I am finding out that that is ok. It IS hard. But I also know that it IS worth it.

10) My Heavenly Father Loves me. I know this, and as I look at things that happen to me everyday I am reminded of this. I know he loves me, he heard me constantly complaining of pain and just listened. =) I am also so GRATEFUL for Christ and for His suffering in Gethsemane. I cannot imagine the extent of all pain or all sin, but what I felt, I would've given my pinky finger for someone else would have taken it away. I'm so grateful that he chose to go through with God's plan and atone for us and to suffer, so that he might know how to succor His people.


I'm glad that all of these things were brought to my attention, and that I was able to think on these things while I was sick. I am SO grateful that I am feeling better, and hope to be 100% by the time school and all that work begins.

Thank you also for all the prayers said in my behalf! I'm so grateful to be on the mend!!!